What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 30.06.2025 04:32
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Agent-based computing is outgrowing the web as we know it - VentureBeat
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was 9 years of age.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Thousands of Netflix fans gather for Tudum - TechCrunch
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Backstage Report On WWE Raw Talent Being Discussed For Worlds Collide Appearance - Wrestling Inc.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The AI-generated ad that aired during the NBA finals took $2,000 and 2 days to make - Mashable
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Doctors Find They Can Detect Cancer in Blood Years Before Diagnosis - futurism.com
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My life is so biszare .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Comes on , in middle age.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Auto-Parts Bankruptcy Is the First Big Casualty of Tariff War - WSJ
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Would this be the day?
When she asked me how she looked .
But, we were locked up after school.
But it wasn’t much.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
This is soul school!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was scared of men, in general
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She found it foreign!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Especially a lifetime of it.
It was going to be , some day.
I write beautiful poetry .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
What did i know ?
All the time i was locked up.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She loved him until the end.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im still living with it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Ive learnt so much.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She married twice! .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I think the readers, may guess!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Who then, do I blame.?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And i lived it daily.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I waited trembling.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My family never makes their pension either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Put me off passion for life!!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I don,t even have a pension.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He knew the spot.
I have no regrets .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was very sick at this time too.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I could never make a relationship work though!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was seconnd youngest,
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We were not on the streets..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We all went to grammer schools
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So whats the point in blame.
(And it was in our own minds.)
So, i spoilt her more .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She was in good health!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I said to her
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I will be 64.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She wouldn,t have been !
Why did i forgive my father ?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One cannot live in the past .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I never cut or harmed myself..